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101 Ways to Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Read all 101 Ways to Annoy People

News
July 19, 2007
lemmy the giant lobster
Claws attack: diver has to wrestle with giant lobster
by Gulliver

It wasn't so much a case of Nip/Tuck, as Nip/DUCK!

A diver in England described how he had a "Claws" experience after a giant lobster attacked him.

He had to wrestle with the monstrous creature which was a meter (three feet) long after it went for him with snapping claws.

Chris Hovard, from Wyke Regis, Dorset, was diving when the huge 10lbs 4oz crustacean scuttled towards him near Weymouth jetty, just yards from where some children were swimming.

He was forced to wrestle the creature, believed to be 50 years old, and managed to get it into a string bag.

He told the media: "I was diving when I spotted an old boiler which I believe may have been used in the Nothe Fort [a restored Victorian fort now used as museum] in the olden days and then was thrown into the sea when it was no longer needed. I was swimming around it when the lobster came at me, its claws snapping.

"I could hardly get my hand across the back of its shell. You'd need a saddle to ride it. I managed to grab it with a pincer movement.

"The commotion stirred up a silt cloud which momentarily stunned him and this was when I managed to grab him."

He took the lobster, nicknamed Lemmy after the lead singer in rock band Motorhead, to the Sea Life Park in Weymouth.

51-year-old Mr Hovard has been diving for 34 years. He said he had never seen a lobster the size of Lemmy.

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